Tuesday, September 1, 2015

25 Days!

A year of planning will culminate in 25 days.  It's crazy that you spend this much time bringing it all together, but there really is a reason for the length.  As parents, Mr. Golfer and I have pretty much insisted on a year engagement because planning a wedding brings out positive and negative issues when families come together.  It is impossible not to coordinate this huge of an event and not have differences of opinions between bride and groom and their families.  I'm not speaking of huge fights or that sort of silly misbehavior. I'm just aware that people have varying opinions on how things should be done and the problem solving in those areas are initial insights for the bride and groom.  Seeing how their families work or not work together is a priceless experience before marriage. This stems from a horrible situation our oldest daughter experienced in her first engagement.  Eight weeks before her wedding it was cancelled. The emotion tied to that will have life long effects, but the cancellation was the best thing for her.  The families were so vastly different that making any decision was exhausting.  The stress of it finally broke the couple apart.  A devastating ending.

We have also in our experience of wedding planning ( this is our 4th) stressed that etiquette and hospitality of our guests is primary in wedding planning.  We don't use phrases like," it's all about the bride", or " it's ( insert name) wedding".  Although the focus is on the couple and the sacrament, what we center our planning around is our guests.  This is the largest event most brides will plan and it is the perfect opportunity as mother to show them how to express hospitality.  I  have always worked closely with my girls to teach them this virtue.  There is time built into the reception for both parents and the couple to greet each table of guests.  This is of primary importance.  In this day, attending a wedding can be an all day event and if you have traveled a distance for the event, it may mean an entire weekend.  Gratitude and thankfulness need to be expressed for this sacrifice.

Selecting wedding dates is also a tricky issue.  When one of our daughters become engaged she asked if we would mind if they married on our anniversary.  As sweet as the thought was, I discouraged them.  May is a complicated month to celebrate.  As parents, we never found time to honor our anniversary because of school calendars, church celebrations such as First Communions and graduations.  If it was difficult for us it would also be difficult for others, especially if they were traveling .  Another month we discourage is August.  In Texas it is just too hot.  You can't use outdoor spaces or enjoy any of the beauty of this area because most day are 100 degrees or higher.  School is starting back again and that makes it difficult again for families.  We do our best to avoid a date that falls on a family birthday and stay away from holidays.  And also an important consideration is another wedding of someone close. If at all possible, brides need to give other brides space, especially if they are close friends.  That can be a very frustrating experience.

We were fortunate in the beginning of our wedding days to be introduced to a fabulous wedding planner.  She has become a family friend and there is no way I would plan a wedding without her.  Although I'm pretty confident at this point, she makes the day happen while the girls and I enjoy some special times.  It is the best spent money.

Many prayers would be appreciated as we navigate these last days.  I'll share pictures as soon as I can. We've had to be fairly hush hush due to some other issues.  It won't be long before I can break the silence and share!!!